Since my youth, I have been drawn to the question of what lies beyond the visible. I read widely about magic, rituals, psychology and all those areas concerned with perception, energy and the interplay between inner experience and the outer world. At the time, I wanted to understand many things by trying them for myself. Rituals played an important part in that. They gave my attention a direction, helped me enter more consciously into certain experiences, and made something tangible for me that would have been difficult to grasp through words alone.
That period was important to me. Through rituals, I learned to look more closely and perceive more subtly. I began to notice differences that had previously escaped me. Changes in my own state, in the atmosphere of a room, in the quality of a situation. I learned to gather my attention and engage more consciously with what I experienced as energy and vibration. Looking back, I do not see those years as a detour. They were part of my path because they helped me develop a sense of what I was perceiving and how that perception could change.
Over time, however, the same question kept returning: ‘Does it really have to be an elaborate ritual every time for me to sense energy or work with it?’ At first, the question was quiet, but it continued to come back. The more familiar the experiences became, the more interested I was in what remained when I left the outer form aside.
So I began preparing less and prescribing less. No fixed sequences, no special staging, not always a particular setting. I wanted to know whether I could still perceive what had previously become clearer only within a ritual. That was when my understanding of energy began to change.
I have found for myself that energy does not begin to exist only in the moment when I do something. For me, it is already there. The difference lies more in how open I am at that moment, how finely attuned my attention is, and how willing I am to perceive without immediately trying to achieve something.
Today, I therefore no longer begin by trying to create anything. I first notice what is already there. I sense into my body, the room and the atmosphere. I pay attention to subtle changes, to vibrations, to what shifts when I become more open inwardly. I try not to produce an immediate result.
Letting go of expectation in this way has changed a great deal for me. In the past, there was often a question in the background about whether I could feel something and whether what I felt was right. Today, I am much more interested in the quality of what is there. Some perceptions are very subtle, others more distinct. There are moments when something reveals itself immediately, and others when hardly anything remarkable happens. Both belong to the experience for me.
When I open inwardly, my perception can become extremely refined. I then notice the smallest changes, both within myself and in my surroundings. For me, this is not about immediately interpreting every vibration. I simply allow it to be there at first. Only as the experience continues does it become clear whether something needs attention, whether something seems to want to change, or whether it simply wants to be perceived.
Over time, I found a different way of working with energy in precisely this. Doing less, perceiving more. Prescribing less, leaving more open. That does not mean I no longer do anything. Quite the opposite. If it becomes clear to me that something needs attention, I can engage with it. But the starting point is no longer the wish to create something. It is the perception of what is already there.
For me, that has become an essential difference. In the past, I was more concerned with how energy works and how I might influence it. Today, I am far more interested in how it reveals itself when I do not intervene immediately. That has also made my relationship with it calmer. I no longer need to prove that something is happening. I do not need constantly to check whether I am perceiving correctly. I can engage with what is there and see what develops.
Precisely because of that, rituals have not lost their meaning for me. I simply see them differently now. They can focus attention, open a space and allow for conscious intention. But for me, they are no longer a prerequisite for perceiving energy. What I was searching for within them back then was never bound to them.
This realisation did not come suddenly. It developed over years, through trying things, observing and repeatedly asking what happens when I leave something out. The less I felt that I had to create something, the more refined my perception often became.
Today, it is often enough for me simply to open inwardly and see what is there. In many situations, nothing more is needed. And there is something very calm in that for me now. Not constantly having to intervene, but also being able to leave the space open.
There are moments when something reveals itself and changes. And there are others when only stillness and perception remain. In the past, I might have thought that too little was happening. Today, I see that as an experience too.
Because, for me, not every energy needs to be moved, interpreted or changed. Some things may simply want to be perceived. And the longer I live with this, the more I feel that this is where a form of depth begins that no longer needs an outer form.